A year ago, I would have jumped at the unexpected gift of two “House” episodes in one week; now I can hardly force myself to keep from channel surfing. I simply don’t care about the new Ducklings; and there aren’t enough probing moments into House’s psyche to hold my attention.
This was supposed to be an epic post-Superbowl episode that would’ve drastically developed either the House/Cuddy or House/Cameron romantic storylines, but due in part to the writers’ strike they had to re-work it. Now the only sweeps-like element of this episode is the guest star—Mira Sorvino—and the conceit—she’s a psychiatrist stranded in the South Pole, so House must diagnose and treat her via webcam.
Since the medical cases have become increasingly less engaging, this fan is starting to develop a “Grey’s Anatomy” complex and turn her attention to the romantic subplots. This episode, aptly entitled “Frozen” for its lack of interesting plotline advancement (read: action!), mostly dangled romantic possibilities in the viewers’ faces, only to withdraw them with little to no payoff.
There was a usual bizarre subplot in which House subjected his v2.0!Ducklings to inane tasks—this week, it was to get him cable in the rooms of the coma patients with whom he had lunch. Such a mission involved having the Ducklings trail Cameron and try to make her mess up her job in the emergency room (gee, that’s smart, House!). Any possibilities for a snarky House/Cameron confrontation fizzled when House revealed that the real reason for his plot was not to bother Cameron, but to get the Ducklings to learn to stand up to him (which Kutner did, hilariously).
On to the Patient of the Week. All of the online hype over the holiday break was about the introduction of a woman with whom House would forge an emotional connection—except the showrunners seemed to forget that this is the third time they’ve done so (remember Piper Perabo as Honey the not-so-bright nutritionist last season? yeah, neither do we), with as little success as the other times.
I’m not saying that House and Kate (Sorvino’s assured psychiatrist) don’t create a bond; they definitely do, as he walks her through the often cringe-inducing steps to treating herself (she has to extract liquid from her stomach, and perform x-rays on herself). There’s even some real emotion and sweet banter in the scene where she has to perform a self-examination naked in front of the webcam; first she demands to see House’s apartment (so she’s not the only one “bared”), and then later, he supplies “Let’s Get It On” as background music for the exam. This is the House I know and love!
Ultimately, however, House realizes that Kate’s co-worker is in love with her; and although House gleefully exploits this emotion to make the man drink Kate’s urine and drill a hole in her head, both to determine what’s wrong with her, he also makes such orders with a bit of pain in knowing that, as much as she makes doe-eyes at him once he’s diagnosed her, he won’t get the girl.
(Ultimately, Kate’s kidney and brain issues are due to a broken toe—she didn’t feel it because her feet were so numb—that was leaking bone marrow into her bloodstream. House angsts to Wilson that if he hadn’t respected Kate’s wishes in not having her take off her socks on Day One, he would’ve been able to cure her days earlier. It looks like House won’t let himself have any happiness.)
Since not even a possible soulmate can distract House from Wilson’s goings-on (because they truly are the main couple of the show), he spends the hours during which he’s not treating Kate stalking his best friend through lunch dates and gift receipts to discover that he has a new girlfriend. But when he confronts Wilson at the end, boasting about having “a list” of the possible female candidates, he’s the one thrown for a loop when the most frozen woman of all, Cutthroat Bitch, appears and gives Wilson a kiss. “Was she on your list?” Wilson jokes, and House deserves the shock he gets.
I will say that I saw a flicker of the old show’s personality in this episode, but it may be too soon for me to truly hope for a triumphant comeback to the genius of Season Two.
Next week (this Tuesday, actually): House doesn’t go down so easily, and he sets about to sabotage Wilson and Amber’s dates. The best parts of the show are the House/Wilson ones, so I’m actually a bit excited.
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