People really, really, really hate me. You’d think that a column on language, and one on the phrase “on line” specifically, wouldn’t bother anyone too much. “Don’t capitalize non-proper nouns,” I’m saying. Since when is this controversial?
Click to be taken to a faraway land of magic adverbs:
Commentators are bukkakeing their pearls of gooey wisdom all over this like it’s law porn:
Jesus christ I really didn’t think your column could get any more pointless, stupid, and trivial. I was wrong. “On line” is “incorrect” because you say so?
No, it’s incorrect because of all the things I said in the piece. But if you want to be cynical about it, then yeah. Yeah, because it’s my fucking column. Here’s someone else:
I don’t think that either “in line” or “on line” are gramatically incorrect.
Then send in a letter. But more importantly, were you born with your brain shoved up your rectum? The ancient Egyptians believed in something called the “multiplicity of approaches,” in which several different contrasting truths could be simultaneously correct. But in 2007, in America, in language, there is generally one correct way to phrase things. And when there does happen to be more than a single way, there is generally a preferred option. There are varying degrees of incorrectness, such as when someone says he is “good” and not “well.” We all forgive this because it’s common and we know what the bungler is saying. But it’s wrong. It’s wrong, and until the English language devolves along with you, you’re wrong.
I’m trying to figure out why my columns seem to be, overall, hated above and beyond those of every other WSN opinion writer this semester. You’ve got Eric Moskowitz, who’s writing pro-Israeli columns, and is a Republican. Anthony Marek’s lingering thesis seems to be “I’m better and smarter than you,” which is inherently insulting. Eric Bruenner is just a seething baked Alaska of inexplicable rage. Matt Buchanan has yet to write anything that anyone could ever find interesting. Gary Miller just lives to stir up shit. The Colonel consistently has no point and is boring beyond anything I could have imagined.
But no, no. The column about language is worth your ire. Words are Cheap is sensationally harmless.
My conclusion: It’s the ovaries. Shame on you, haters. You’re all fucking sexist pigs.
ETA: The comments keep coming.
And because I’m paranoid, I’d like to add that this is a deliberately detached view of the other opinion columns. Also, I should have been more explicit on the point that the other columns also deserve attention; that’s why I linked to them all. We’re blogging to communicate, readers. Start communicating.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
“Eric Bruenner is just a seething baked Alaska of inexplicable rage” haha can this be my tag line?
hang in there kreiter.
also, is a baked alaska as delicious as I imagine?
P.S. HOW COULD YOU FORGET BLOW IT OUT YOUR SHOFAR? god you are such a heartless bitch
For the record, Gary “The Hammer” Miller is WSN’s most elite crack investigative reporter, not a mere muckraker.
GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE.
Hi John!
Oh, Bruenner, you crazy little fajita:
1. Yeah, it totally can be.
2. I only have the most academic understanding of baked Alaska.
3. I know, I’m a huge whore. But also, I just don’t know how to characterize Shofar Blowing yet.
“Commentators are bukkakeing their pearls of gooey wisdom all over this like it’s law porn.”
another classic.
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