Just so you know, Moskowitz, I fight neither women nor children–Lierley, being a strange hybrid of both is doubly disqualified from traversing the twisting labyrinth of pain that is a hand-to-hand engagement with yours truly.
For the sake of argument, if “he” and I were to fight I would probably spew stale liquor in his pretty boy face and spit in his slick corporate haircut. Following these humiliations, assuming he hadn’t already submitted, I would throw in a devestating rabbit punch–thus leaving him ripe for the reverse suplex, which I would perform until:
a) death
b) he signed a contract written in the blood of his first-born stating that I was in fact his biological father
p.s. Lierley, if you are actually reading this: I am a small, anemic man who is frightened by aggressive school children and the sound of loud bells–were we to meet on the street I would probably fake a seizure and soil my already filthy undergarments. If this wasn’t a sufficient deterrent I might resort to name-calling and slashing impotently at your masculine jawline with my poorly clipped nails.
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Marvelous. A schizophrenic columnist with a part-time hobby in cry-fighting. Flurry of punches followed by a sprinkling on tears. A finely honed assault followed by mordant remorse, crouched in the corner.
I think WSN should do everything it can to encourage such deft turn-abouts. I love it.
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