Allow me to start with a dick joke exegesis. Comedian Patrice O’Neal once said, on an episode of “Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn” (a great show, and one of Comedy Central’s most tragic and ill-advised abortions), that comedy was all about hard consonants. Words with natural bite–rhetorical effectiveness at the most elementary, molecular level. I don’t know if it was his theory, though I do consider him an urban Buddha of sorts so I wouldn’t be surprised. At the time, it seemed like the kind of beautiful simplicity that pours only out of the unclogged font of Nirvana.
I’m down with “South Park” deciding, in its position as God and Emperor of all things completely fucking puerile, to fill up the vast majority of its most recent episode with a recurring dick joke. Especially when the premise is this gloriously bizarre: Mrs. Garrison, having decided in her infinite sexual disorientation to revert back to manhood, commissions a lab to grow a penis for her on the back of a mouse. Personally, I would bag it and tag it right there–magnificent, timeless dick joke achieved. But that’s just the setup. The mouse then escapes, prompting a wild slapstick adventure all around town as Garrison chases it and women everywhere scream “Eek! A Penis!” when it scampers (and flops) into view. And it’s in that extended second act that the dick joke loses its balance and falls on its greasy face.
If O’Neal is in any way correct–and I suspect he is, because his comedy affirms his philosophy–then the word “dick” is funny in and of itself. But that’s not necessarily true for “penis.” You can complain about the structure and content of the joke all you want (and here, I’ll do just that: women standing on stools and shrieking to avoid mice, or anything, hasn’t been funny since “Tom & Jerry” antiquity, and in general the entire thing is a bloated mess). But the real problem is the eponymous phrase, which is repeated and relied upon like a verbal crutch–”Eek, A Penis!” is just not inherently funny. Maybe it’s funny in a British accent (O’Neal’s rule largely sidesteps the issue of the speaker himself), but it’s just not funny here.
The other roughly-30% of this episode was a parody of “Stand and Deliver” and all those other insufferable movies with overextended teachers trying to reach inner-city kids. Cartman is sent to a Denver public school, where he struggles to teach urban youths how to “cheat like white people.” This segment was great when it trained its crosshair on the more general features of a limping, feeble, and largely bankrupt genre, and when it dispensed that particularly cynical message. Not so great, on the other hand, when it specifically mocked “Stand and Deliver,” which hasn’t been part of the pop-cultural lexicon since the 90s. Oh well, missed opportunities and fumbled executions still imply ambition, I think. If nothing else, “South Park” aspires to dick joke greatness.
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